Tuesday, January 8, 2013

14 year old girls = T.R.O.U.B.L.E.

This post was written a while back.  I obviously hesitated in posting it for various reasons.  I had really mixed emotions about posting this.  Keep in mind that this was probably from back sometime in September and things have changed.  Why am I posting this now?  Simply because I feel like there are people out there who may understand where I was coming from when this was written.  Being a parent is never an easy job!

Okay so maybe not ALL 14 year old girls and maybe they aren't trouble ALL the time.

If there is one thing that can be said about me it's that I love my kids!  All of them!  All the time!  Now that doesn't mean we don't have the typical family struggles.  At any given point of a day I'm sure one of them is mad at me.

Today I am only going to talk about kids/parent vs step parenting in general.  I don't need to get into what occurred this past weekend I only need to discuss what it led to.

First some background:

My daughter Kaleigh is 14!  She is such a bright, funny, beautiful, talented kid and I LOVE her!  Yes that is right I love her.  I always have and I always will.  Kaleigh has unfortunately been dealt a crap card in life where her "father" is concerned.  If you look on the about me section you will notice that there is no "bio-dad" in the cast of characters.  There is a reason for this.  Kaleigh's BD (biodad) has never been around very much.  He has always been in and out.  In his words Sunday "more out than in".  In six years my husband has only seen him twice.  I am not saying anything in this blog that he (BD) or she (Kaleigh) doesn't already know so if you are going to bash me for posting this then save it! 

While I was bitter and heartbroken when I was younger I always said Kaleigh needed her father in her life.  I pushed and pushed and then pushed some more for that to happen.  Unfortunately it didn't work.  I can count on one hand what was purchased by him when she was an infant.  I have ALWAYS hated that she didn't have a relationship with him until around 2004 when she was getting ready to start Kindergarten.  I had enough of the back and forth and heartbreak that she endured.  It was hard knowing she was hurting even at that young age and not being able to do a darn thing about it.  I started making demands of my own.  If you want to be in your daughters life then you need to step up but hurt her again and we are done giving chances.  Well that lasted December-January of 2004...

A few years ago he once again wanted to try to have a realtionship with her.  I refused to acknowledge his phone call until my husband told me he believed we should give this a try.  I warned him that I had seen this before (i.e. the I have changed, i'm in a better place).  Larry returned BD's call and made arrangements for him to meet K.  That was in November.  He was gone again by January. 

In June of this year Kaleigh (behind my back) made contact with him and his girlfriend.  I wasn't as angry about the contact as I was that they both were doing this behind my back trying to get around me.  I feel I had a right to be angry.  Kaleigh left for mission trip and I purposely didn't block his number from her phone.  I was waiting to see if he would fight to remain connected.  I bet you can take a guess at what happened...

This brings us to present time.

Sunday Kaleigh did something that broke my heart.  I realize now that it was a cry for help and attention from BD.  Needless to say Larry yet again made that phone call to tell him he needed to be there.  As of where things stand right now Kaleigh will be going to her BD's house this weekend.  I will be honest and tell you that all of this terrifies me.  14 years is a long time to have to go it alone!  Thank God Larry has been there every step of the way.  I don't know what I would do without him.  He is definitely my rock! 

Now i'm trying to find a way to nicely remind girlfriend/future wife that I am her only mother and that will never change.  Any ideas?  I most certainly don't want to come off as snarky as I feel.  As a bonus mom myself I have always tried to do what is right for the kids and Angie and that is NEVER easy.  Now the role is reversed and i'm struggling with it.

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